i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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