I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
