I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
