I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
