If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
