Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
