Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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