:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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