these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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