in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
