So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
