Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
