Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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