we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
