Apparently you make a good broom.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
