marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
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