It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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