So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
