Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
