It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
