p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My vagina is very pro this idea
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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