im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
