whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
