You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
