the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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