Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
