I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
