I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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