I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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