I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
