His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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