so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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