so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
