we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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