Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
