so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
