I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
