roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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