he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
