brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The air was thick with penises
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
