Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
