i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
