dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
