Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
