i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
