He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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