Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
