I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
