my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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