whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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