HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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