He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Randomize
