He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
