The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
